Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize