remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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