It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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