my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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