Where are you?
In a non slutty way
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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