The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
