My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
