I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
