After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
