He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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