i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
