I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
