ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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