i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Everyone says I win the strip club
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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