Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
