just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You know, be my cock's hype man.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
