So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The feeling are messing with the penis
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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