You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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