i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
