did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
