Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
