Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
They should really pass out barf bags in church
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize