Swine flu. Run for my life!
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
