Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
