Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize