i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
