he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
