My first STD was from a foam party
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
