My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
