I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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