im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
