party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
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