Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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