i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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