8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
