i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
