Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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