i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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