I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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