i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
