He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
