i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
pop tarts are not kleenex
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
