Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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