you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
