Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize