Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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