why didn't you poke me back
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
