i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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