One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
