Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
