im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
