dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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