the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
