the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize