Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
