She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
