I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
