Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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