Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
