I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
