plz talk dirty to me
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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