if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
