in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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