So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
