This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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