my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Can i not drive my cunt home
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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