At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
