You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
