Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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