he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
