i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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